He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize