Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
