Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
