I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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