So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
