The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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