this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
