a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
