He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
