he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
