There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
