carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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