Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry me_in_ur_bed hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(410): View more from Maryland

To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...

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(479): View more from Arkansas

if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey

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(703): View more from Virginia

If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?

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(407): View more from Florida

Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.

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(206): View more from Washington

This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.

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(469): View more from Texas

You sent me a very drunk love letter

(214): View more from Texas

Was it the one about pterodactyls?

(469): View more from Texas

I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me

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