It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
