Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
