my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
