I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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