I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
