youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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