my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
