if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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