well you can't waste a boner
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
