That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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