he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
