you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
