He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
