my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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