Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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