someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
