Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
