May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I supernannyed him into submission
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize