dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
