A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
