it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
