Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
