if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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