She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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