the condom got lost in my hair
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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