that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
