Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
