Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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