i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
