I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
