I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
