Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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