she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
