theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
