R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
