dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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