And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
