I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize