OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
