I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
