i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
