Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
