I smell stomach acid.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize