new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
