Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
