I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize