i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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