Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
