Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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