***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
