I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
