I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
