she woke up with a sticky ear
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
