That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
