I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
