nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
