i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
