Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
