I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
