last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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