Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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