Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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