well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
