a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
