And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
