Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you win again, gameday.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I had to cum in my sink.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
