Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
