I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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