Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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