Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
