You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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