just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
