i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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