i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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