last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
