why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
