he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
