I could make wine with my vomit
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He shit in the fireplace
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
