No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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