DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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