dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
