he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
