that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
