the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
